I hope mine doesn't look like that
im six kinds of drunk right now
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
