just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
