I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Randomize
