I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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