Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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