bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
