just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
