girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
