Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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