the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
