She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
