Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
