She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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