Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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