Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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