I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
