Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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