fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
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