i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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