So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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