So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
