i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
