No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
