Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
How does it feel to date your dad?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
