Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
