Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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