foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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