why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
They took my balls.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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