There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
