you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
