if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
