So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
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