The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize