omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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