just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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