She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Who died my cat blue again?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
