yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
