My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
