i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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