my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
