She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
