Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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