The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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