so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
