you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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