That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
