Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
