Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Randomize
