I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
