Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
