And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
