So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
